A Long Goodbye
by Fistful of Moondust
Summary: Ron leaves for the Final Battle as Hermione is sleeping...Chapter 1 is based off the song When You Think of Me, by Mark Wills.Chapter 2 is based off Evanescence's My Immortal.
1. When You Think of Me

Chapter 1:  
_When You Think of Me_

I threw my legs over the edge of our bed and looked at you one last time. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was that I had to leave. I had to. Harry and I had a job to do and I wasn't about to let you come with and mess it all up. Sorry. You know what I mean.

_You look so peaceful sleepin',  
You don't know that I'm leaving but I'm gone. _

You know how you always said I never thought before I did? Well, I realized you were right that night. I didn't realize how hard it would be to leave you looking like you did. Gods, you're beautiful.

I can't tell you about the war that was in my head, Hermione. Over and over again I battled between battling Voldemort (look, I've said his name!) and staying with you. You've won, Hermione, you always will but sometimes other things are more important than our happiness. And you and I could never be happy in a world where Voldemort reigns. You know that, so dry your eyes, OK?

"You ready mate?" Harry asked so quietly I was sure, I was _hoping _he hadn't said a word.

_Well I did my best to beat 'em,  
__But in my head the demons said: "Move on."  
__When you wake up, you're gonna curse my name,  
__But as some time goes by, I hope and pray _

I couldn't tear my eyes off of you even as I barely nodded.

"Yeah, yeah I'm ready. I'm always ready." Even I could hardly hear my own voice.

Silence dropped on our shadowy bedroom and for a moment, for one breathless moment, I had truly hoped Harry had left without me; I believed he had. "Mate, the longer you stand there the harder it will be to say goodbye."

I wanted to turn around punch him, knowing that just minutes earlier it had been my baby sister he had said goodbye to but did I? No. I was _mature _enough to sigh and not look him in the eye again for a full fifteen minutes. You would have been proud.

"Alright, Harry, I'm ready," I answered softly, turning away from you. Let me tell you now: I _knew _it would be the last time I'd ever see you. You know how you just know certain things? I knew I'd die. I think Harry knew he'd die.

Hermione, I wish I could say all the things I meant to say to you when I still had a voice to talk. I wish I could tell you about how I fell in love with you that day on the train. You were such a bossy, little know-it-all that I thought you were the most adorable thing on the earth. Of course, at the time I didn't know the word adorable (but that's a discussion for another time). I should have told you before now that I loved you then and that I've loved you since then. That I will _always _love you.

Please don't cry Hermione. I hate to see you cry. _I'm _always the reason you cry; please don't let me be the reason now. I can't bear to see you cry and not be there to hold you. I can't bear it Hermione.

_When you think of me,  
__Remember the way that I used to be.  
__Remember the times I held you tenderly.  
__Remember the way that I love you. _

I'm torn inside Hermione. Know that I don't want to leave you. I wouldn't even kill Malfoy if it meant I'd never get to see you again and you know how I hate Malfoy (the slimy b).

Merlin, I didn't think this would be so hard.

"Are you coming Ron?" Harry asked.

For a moment, I honestly didn't think I would be coming.

There's something about death that makes us appreciate what we have and realize what we fear. Hermione, if you fall in love again (and don't tell me you won't; I know you better than that) please don't…live in _our _house. Our house is just that: _our house_. I'm not even going to apologize if that request seems terribly selfish to you because frankly, I don't give a damn: no man other than _me _will ever hold you in _our _house…and our _bed _for that matter.

Just, could you go along with me on that one little request?

Harry wants me to tell you to look after Ginny. And oh yeah, Ginny isn't allowed to date anyone else, OK? No one is good for Ginny. Even Harry wasn't; he was just allowed to because he's my best chap.

And no, no one is good enough for you too, Hermione. But if I told you not to date anyone would you listen? Didn't think so.

See, I was only trying to avoid an argument.

If you wake up right now, I promise I won't leave Hermione. I promise, I promise…

_I think about the night I met you,  
__I swore I'd never forget you: well, I won't _

I promise you Hermione: I'll watch out for you. And I promise that I'll be around: I'll be all of your favorite things: a summer time breeze, the pull of the moon on the tide, warm socks right out of the dryer. I'll always be around.

I could never leave you to your own devices.

You don't even understand Quidditch, remember?

Laugh, Hermione; that was supposed to be a joke.

I guess, what this all comes down to, is me telling you that you're special. And you are special Hermione. I've know that since that day you taught me _Wingardium__ Leviosa_. I knew you were special because you _had to be _perfect. But you never realized you always _were _perfect.

I was only eleven then but I knew that I felt something different for you then I did Harry. I may have been a bit of a slacker, (but remember, Harry's marks were far worse than mine—ouch! Go to hell, Potter!) but I wasn't completely stupid. I knew there was something different about you.

Oh, by the way, if you ever let the Viktor Krum touch you again, make sure you warn him that I'll pull his tongue out of his bloody arse.

I'm not kidding.

"Yes, Harry, I'm just about done saying my goodbyes," I said to him rather impatiently.

Can you ever be ready to say goodbye when you know you mean forever?

Why couldn't I have been this thoughtful during school? We wouldn't have wasted nearly half of our school years being apart if I had just known how to say this kind of stuff!

_I think about the way you'll live and breathe inside my dreams forever,  
__Well, you'll be better when I'm gone: you'll be better when I'm gone.  
__'Cause I know you're gonna fall in love again.  
__I'm sorry this is how it has to end, but, _

We're standing in front of Voldemort now, Hermione, and I can't tell you how scared I am. I _don't want to die_. I don't want to leave you but I have this uncanny feeling that I'm about to.

Just, don't think of me as dead. Think of me as…on a vacation. I always did want to go to Egypt and watch my brother with the dragons. Maybe I'm there.

I just can't bear to have you think of me as dead. Remember that, Hermione.

Remember the last night we made love? Merlin girl, I love you so much. I just want to tell you that one last time before I die.

I'm sorry we had to end like this. I never meant for all this to happen. I only wanted you to be happy so please don't cry…get mad but _please don't cry_!

_When you think of me,  
__Remember the way that I used to be. _

Think of anything but my death.

Remember all the times we laughed together, Hermione? All the times we fought? I remember the first time you kissed me. It was in our sixth year and it was your birthday and we were on my broom because I had finally tricked you into flying. It wasn't so bad now, was it?

Merlin you were beautiful that night. I don't know if I ever told you how beautiful you were but you were gorgeous. You always have been; you always will be.

_Remember the times I held you tenderly.  
__Remember the way that I love you.  
__Oh, when you think of me. _

I don't remember who threw the first curse. I couldn't tell you if it was one of us or if it was one of them; all I know is that the final battle had started.

As I was fighting I wasn't afraid, Hermione. I mean, I was…but I wasn't. I knew that you would be safe and alive when this war was over and that saved my life, I think. I knew others would survive, even when I didn't.

People are falling all around me: Amos Diggory, Hagrid, Dean, and Malfoy (the smarmy b), they're all gone.

I see the flash of green coming toward me Hermione and all I can think about is you. I see you laugh and I see you cry. I can even feel your arms around me again and it's as if George died all over again. Gods, I miss him.

I think I call out your name one last time, before I'm hit and Hermione…I want you to know that I'm not in any pain.

Hermione, I can see you lying in our bed again and it's as if I haven't left your side, it's as if there's still time for me to turn to Harry and say, "Sorry mate, you're on your own." But I can't say that, can I?

_As I pick up these bags and turn around,  
__I say a little prayer and hope somehow,  
__When you think of me,  
__Remember the way that I used to be.  
__Remember the times I held you tenderly.  
__Remember the way that I love you.  
__When you think of me._

Please smile for me, Hermione, please! I'm hardly asking you to smile: I'm begging of you to _smile for me_! Remember how I loved to smile? How I loved to make you laugh? I can't do that anymore Hermione, so you must find the strength in you to make yourself smile and to make yourself laugh! It's all I'm asking for Hermione. That's it.

And make sure our nieces and nephews know what happened to their uncle and their uncle-to-be. Make sure they never, ever forget what we all went through for _their _happiness. For _your _happiness, Hermione.

I know I can count on you to always remember this. Please, do it for my sake. Do it for mine and Harry's sake.

If you can think of us with a smile then none of this will have been in vain, Hermione. Remember that.

_When you think of me,  
__Remember the way that I used to be.  
__Remember the times I held you tenderly.  
__Remember the way that I love you.  
__When you think of me._

Say goodbye to my sister and brothers and mum and dad for me. For Harry and I both, Hermione. You've got to be strong.

The green light is right there, Hermione. I can hear Harry screaming out my name. He's begging me to duck, to move out of the way, but I can't. It's useless to do so.

It's only Harry and Voldemort left, Hermione. It's only those two left.

Pretty soon, the world will be a place that you all can live in again happily.

I love you, Hermione.

_Oh, when you think of me,  
__When you think of me.  
__When you think of me.  
__When you think of me._


	2. My Immortal

Chapter 2:  
_My Immortal_

It's been a long hour since the day melted into the night. It's been a long time since I've smiled. Since I've laughed. Since the last tear fell from my eye. It's been awhile since I last looked upon your happy face.

Right now I'm sitting here, staring out our bedroom window and I wonder, if you were here too would you sit and stare out the window with me? I like to think that you would. I like to remember the days when we'd sit in front of the fire or the Quidditch stands as Harry practiced. Those were the days we fell in love. When we really fell in love. We would talk and laugh and argue…and argue some more. But it was in the midst of all those arguments I realized I love you.

_I'm so tired of being here.  
Suppressed by all my childhood fears._

Do you remember that day? Are you living eternally within that day? That day in Sixth Year when you snuck out, when you had bribed me to sneak out with you for my sixteenth birthday? Do you remember what your gift was? You took me flying on your broom to watch the meteor shower. If I close my eyes long enough I can still conjure up the exact feeling I got when your breath danced across the back of my neck. I still remember your arms around me.

"Hermione, I love you," you whispered. It didn't matter then if the world ended, I would have died a happy woman. I turned around then and (I still am not completely sure how I worked up the nerve to) I kissed you.

Oh, I'd kissed other boys before and I know you had kissed other girls before (Lavender told me what you two had done, by the way) and I still loved you. It didn't matter to me then…and it doesn't matter to me now either.

The stars were beautiful that night…and even now I'll climb the roof of our home (I could never fly without you by my side) and I'll stare at the stars just to feel closer to you. Because I know you're there somewhere. You're somewhere in the stars, I know, because that was our special place. Ours alone.

And now, now it is still our special place. But I'm alone.

_And if you have to leave,  
I wish that you would just leave.  
Cause your presence still lingers here,  
And it won't leave me alone. _

_You're gone and it's tearing me apart._

_These wounds won't seem to heal,  
This pain is just too real,  
There's just too much that time cannot erase. _

Your sister and I…we go to your graves once a week. I think she's fairing better than I am. She's even dating a little now, although I've noticed most of her boyfriends are one night stands. They have black hair or green eyes. She misses him. She misses you both.

It's been years, I know, but I still miss you. I miss you both. I think I miss you more now than I did then. It's becoming apparent to me more and more every day that you aren't coming back. Neither of you are.

Some nights I'll lay in our bed and I'll cry and cry for hours. It's silly I know, but I haven't removed your things from your dresser…everything in it still smells like you. I wish I could crawl in there and lay there for the rest of my life.

Why, why did you have to leave and pretend to be the brave one? Why, dammit why!

Would you, knowing now what you didn't then, still choose to leave with Harry? Would you leave if you knew tonight would be the last time we would fight, we would make love? Would you?

_When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have…  
All of me._

I like to think you would still leave. I know you wouldn't change a thing. You wouldn't not go even if you knew I would be left here alone because you…you gallantly tried to save our best friend, your to-be brother-in-law even. But you lost. You lost and he lost and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named all lost that night.

If I was stronger I would let go of you but you are such a part of who I am that how can I do anything but hang on? How can I do anything buy cling to what once was? I cannot and so, I am lost within myself and you are not by my side.

You used to captivate me by your resonating mind,  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

I'm mad at you, I really am terribly mad at you. I'm mad and I'm proud. I'm proud because I am Mrs. Hermione Weasley, the widow of the man who saved the world. That's right, My Love, you saved the world. You saved the world…you kept Harry alive and he killed He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named…and then he died too.

Dammit, you had to be stubborn didn't you? You couldn't have just let Harry die, could you have? Of course not. And I wouldn't have wanted you too, either, just let me tell you that. But why couldn't you have taken me along? Why all that shit about chivalry and crap like that? Where was the you I knew from our Hogwarts days? The you who would have complained if I hadn't come along?

You grew up then and I guess I did too.

But you're gone and it's tearing me apart.

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.  
These wounds won't seem to heal,  
This pain is just too real, _

I didn't know it was possible to hurt more years after someone's been gone than a day after they've been gone. Did you?

You might have, now that I remember. You were torn up about the death of George our seventh year and you cried a lot. I held you a lot and secretly…secretly I loved you more for your tears. You never had to be embarrassed around me and you knew it and I loved you for it.

_When you'd cried I'd wipe away all your tears,  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all your fears.  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have…  
All of me._

My mum tells me the pain will lessen and that time heals all wounds but what would she know? Her husband is still alive! Merlin, I sound terrible don't I? Of course I don't want my father dead…and thank any and every god who might be listening that my parents are still alive. If they were gone and you were here I could handle it but I cannot unlock the pain that surrounds me with you gone and them here. I'm terrible, I know.

If we were in school and I had admitted this you never would have let me hear the end of this…you would have teased me endlessly for my complete and utter terribleness (is that even a word? I know, I know, it's not like me to make up a word…). I wish you still were here to make fun of me.

Even Fred, I'll see him every once in awhile if I'm in Diagon Alley…he owns his own Quidditch supply shop now, you know, well…he doesn't laugh as much either. Losing George hurt him bad and losing you, that was like a double whammy for him I think. He's settled down, needless to say. He and Angelina have a whole team of kids…five in all. Little Carrie (well, she's not so little anymore, d'ya remember when she was a cute little button-nosed girl?) she's just started Hogwarts last year. And then Chrissy, she's still the trouble-maker she was when she was a toddler. Well, she'll be starting Hogwarts in a year. They really are cute as buttons. And then there are the boys (triplets, in fact). George, Harry, and Ron. Ron has red hair just like you…and lots of freckles. His eyes are blue too…of course, George has the same features. But Harry, well, he has dark hair (not black, mind you) just dark. He's a sweet little kid. I'm sure you can imagine the trouble they find themselves in all the time. It can be somewhat amusing to watch even…if there wasn't the memory of their namesakes.

Poor Ginny loves her nieces and nephews but can hardly stand to be around the triplets because she's reminded so much of you three. I feel the same way.

I really miss you.

And you're still gone and it's tearing me apart.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.  
But though you're still with me,  
I've been alone all along. _

It's so sad to talk to you without a response. I absolutely hate it, Love, I don't know how else to explain it. It's torture to have speak with you and not hear your opinion. Your mum tells me that maybe you aren't here to give an opinion any more because I know what your opinion would be. I wish she was wrong, but I think she might be right.

"Auntie 'Mione, look what I drew?" Little Chrissy shoved the paper in front of my eyes. And I looked at it and waited for her to patiently explain to me what it was about, like I knew she would.

"See, it's you and Uncle Ron," she said, pointing to the stick-like figure that was supposed to be you. There was me with my bushy hair and you were obviously you. Right down to the redness of your hair and to all of your freckles. I didn't know what to do; should I laugh or should I cry? It was such an innocent picture, and the only time Chrissy remembers you is from pictures, but it was you. I know it was you because you were laughing and you always laughed. And so, I did nothing. I sat there and I told her how good of a picture it was. I told her it was you and she clapped her hands and laughed gleefully.

And by Merlin, I missed you some more.

And you're always gone and it's tearing me apart.

_When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.  
I held your hand through all of these years.  
But you still have…  
All of me._


End file.
